What are you afraid of?

I’m currently enrolled in a 12-month immersive training to become a certified practitioner in hypnotherapy, NLP, EFT, and cacao at The Black Lotus Academy in San Marcos la Laguna, Guatemala. The unofficial slogan of the academy where I’m living and studying is “shadow work for light workers”. This slogan really gets at the heart of what we’re doing here and is the inspiration for this blog post. 

As a life and well-being coach, I love helping my clients find solutions for their current problems and create strategies for growth. However, coaching focuses on the future and I’ve found that oftentimes clients are held back from progressing forward by the shadows of their past. Lacking the training or resources to help my clients process unresolved traumas and emotions, until recently I’ve only been able to recommend that my clients seek the help of other professionals, mostly therapists, and hope that they’ll take action and that it will help them to resolve the past and move forward in our work together. 

Tired of finding myself in this position and feeling called to help my clients tackle larger and deeper issues, I’ve committed to this program of study in order to work through my own unresolved shadows and master the skills necessary to help my clients do the same. While I was under no illusions that this process would be easy (self-development never is) I have never doubted that the outcome will be worth the work. 

Three months in, my biggest takeaway so far is that up until recently, I’ve lived my life in an almost constant state of fear. And as I look back, I realize just how much this fear has held me back, terrorized, and exhausted me. Does that sound familiar? Or perhaps, like me, you’re not even aware of your fears or where they’re affecting your life. Perhaps you need a few examples to really identify what might be inhibiting your own growth. Below is a list of the fears I’ve identified in my own life:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
• Fear of unworthiness
• Fear of exclusion/rejection/judgment
• Fear of vulnerability/authenticity
• Fear of connection
• Fear of isolation/loneliness

Now these are obviously very general fears, but as I allow myself to feel my emotions and lean into understanding where they come from, I find that the same fears keep coming up in different situations and areas of my life. While the exact trigger may be different every time, the underlying emotion comes down to one of the above. So what do you say? Can you connect with any of these fears? And if so, do you recognize where they present themselves in your life? 

Facing my fears provides freedom

It turns out that there are three general fears that hold people back from progressing in any area of their life. These are the fear of judgment, fear of failure, and fear of uncertainty. If you know what you want and how to get it, but still find yourself unable to move forward, then you almost certainly have one of these three fears holding you back.

Becoming aware of your patterns can be challenging, especially because so often we have blind spots when it comes to our triggers. When we become angry, upset, sad, or agitated, we often blame our feelings on others. We may say things like, “You made me feel…” This allows us to displace responsibility for our emotions and continue to hide the truth that we have something we need to work through. You may ask, “But why would I do that to myself?” I suppose the best answer I can provide is that it’s hard to look at your shit. Change is hard and painful, and many people would rather continue to react to their problems than face them head-on. Facing your fear is well, scary. 

As I’m doing this work myself there have been a handful of times when I’ve considered running away and giving up. However, when the instinct to flee crosses my mind, I ask myself, “What then?” and the truth is I can’t see a future in which I move forward without having completed this process. For myself, and for my clients, I know that the only way forward is through. There’s no going back. I refuse to stay still and in a constant state of fear. I know I’ll never be satisfied with continuing with the status quo. And this is a quality I look for in prospective clients. 

I’m doing the work for myself and for my clients

So, are you ready to shake things up? Is it time to take responsibility for your problems, to uproot them, and find the resources necessary to effectively deal with them? I can’t promise you it will be easy. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it’s going to be really hard. But you won’t be satisfied with anything you haven’t had to work for, and this may turn out to be the most satisfying work of your life. And that’s what I’m here for. I want to change the world by changing beliefs, overcoming fears, and helping others to find greater satisfaction and well-being. How about you? Are you ready to be brave?

If you answered ‘yes’ then I’m here to help you. You can schedule a free consultation to discuss coaching. Let’s talk and see whether we make a good team. Take it from someone who’s been there, it’s a lot harder to walk this path alone. You can certainly try it, but blindspots will stay hidden unless you have a partner willing and skilled enough to point them out and help you tackle them. And that, my friends, is where I excel.